I have some beautiful parenting days. My children and I laugh, play, hug and enjoy each other until the day ends with gratitude and snuggles.
And then there are days when I see my own vices bubbling up in my children . . . which pushes buttons I didn’t even know I had . . . until I lose my cool, my patience and my kindness all at once, and all my good intentioned mothering gives way to a messy meltdown that takes everyone out with it.
Ugh! Who is this woman?? But the mirror confirms that it’s me and I remember that the flesh is still at war with the spirit within me (see Galatians 5:17 and Romans 7:7-25).
I remind myself that if God has grace enough for me, then I also need to have grace enough for myself. I make no excuses and no room for wallowing. I repent, I let God fix this messy heart, and I seek reconciliation with my children.
I find hope and encouragement by acknowledging that there is only one Perfect Parent, and it is not (most definitely not!) me. That name belongs to God the Father and Him alone.
Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. I bring you my sacrifice of a broken and contrite heart, and ask that you create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. In Jesus’ name, amen.*
* Psalm 51:1-2, 10, 16-17
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